I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
