had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
