I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize