don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
