Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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