Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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