I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
