SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
