So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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