mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
