It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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