so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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