An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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