he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
