You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
