im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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