K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
