your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
