This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
