I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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