What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
