My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
