U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
