She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
