So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
