is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
