He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
