I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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