i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
