Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
