I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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