oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
