so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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