Pappa wants mamma naked
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
