when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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