White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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