He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
