Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
