I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
