literally had 100 drinks last night.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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