Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fuck appropriateness.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
