Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
