stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He felt like a one man threesome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
