you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
