dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
