she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
