My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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