Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
