i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
