I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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