Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How does one acquire holy water?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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