you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
