can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
