if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was like having sex with a tree stump
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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