I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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