Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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