cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?