apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots