The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.