You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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