You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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