i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
