I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
